one

‘I’ve been married a little over a year now but it I’m left to wonder after that time how I ever walked around without half of myself. When I look back I think of myself as limping, eager to run but always held back by some great limitation. I was like an unbalanced scale, measuring one heavy thing, the weight of my passions and desires, against air, against nothing. I stumbled through life with one eye, one leg, one arm, one perspective. As I look back on the first year of my marriage I see myself as having walked for the first time, having seen the world in brighter colours, having finally looked into the mirror and smiled, like a baby does when they first recognise their reflection. I feel sturdy. I feel whole. I feel loved…’ Continue reading one

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spirit

Four years ago I was at a friend’s house for dinner and bible study. There were twelve other students there and we were laughing and chatting. There were a million reasons for me to be smiling and energised — the dinner was hearty, the dessert was intensely sweet, the conversation was full of quirky humour and I didn’t really have a care in the world. Despite all of this, for absolutely no identifiable reason at all, I felt exhausted, a mighty fatigue, as though I had run a marathon that same day. I felt like the people in those anti-drugs ads a few years back who they portrayed as flat pieces of rubber against the couch. The best way to describe it, though years later I realise it could never be described effectively, is that I was like a character in a video game whose life was running on low. Life itself seemed to elude me. Continue reading “spirit”

powerful

fohap-wordpress

I have been reading, watching and listening to a lot content that has given me a strong conviction to pray more. I’ve seen a man call down rain from heaven to stop a raging bush fire and through prayer grow potatoes where it would otherwise be impossible to grow in the movie Faith Like Potatoes. I’ve seen a man save 74 lives on the battlefield during World War II in the movie Hackshaw Ridge because he believed in the power of God’s protection and prayed ‘help me save one more’, leaving with only four minor injuries despite being alone on the ridge with the Japanese soldiers. Continue reading “powerful”

unqualified

Ever since my last blog, I have been trying to think of something to write about. I usually write about revelations I have based on experiences, for the purpose of helping or encouraging others who are going through the same thing. However, I have not been able to put my finger on a topic or point as I have never, ever felt more out of my depth than I have since becoming a mother. I have never felt so little self-assurance. I have never been in so many minds. I have never been so unable to process and produce. Continue reading “unqualified”