overdue

‘As I write this I am two days over my due date. I am pregnant and awaiting my child’s birth but there is no sure sign that she will come today, tomorrow or the next day. It is intensely frustrating. I can’t bring on my labour. I can’t plan my days in advance because labour can come on at any moment. I can’t decide if I can go to a wedding next week because I don’t know if I will be recovered by then, or if the baby will be born by then. It feels like limbo. It is not a painful limbo but it is yet another time where I can choose between grumbling my way through this inconvenient waiting period or praise God for every new day and enjoy His life in me and the pleasures of rest, family time and a few more days without a newborn constantly attached to me. There are so many reasons to chill out and be grateful but it is just SO HARD to do that…’ Continue reading overdue

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human

‘Today I was reminded of my humanity and of the importance of allowing myself to be weak. Weakness is a part of being human, a huge part. If it is ignored or hidden or brushed over or despised, we deny our humanity, making it harder to be human, harder to thrive, harder to cope. Acknowledging, embracing, being open about and developing mechanisms to deal with and address our weakness is a crucial part of being balanced, whole and well…’ Continue reading human

new

I remember it like it was yesterday although every time I think about it it is like watching someone else’s life, the main character I don’t recognise as myself. But she was me. That girl smoking the hardest weed with Rastas after a football match. That girl drunk for three weeks straight, hungover in church, avoiding my family. That was me, that girl who fell into the arms of any sweet-looking man who could make me feel loved. That girl who literally didn’t believe there was a single person on the earth who loved me. That girl who seemed like she was dancing like no one was watching but truly I was trying to shake off the leeching pain that was sucking me dry. That girl who was the life of the party because she was high, drunk and ‘free spirited’ yet who felt void of any life. That was me. Key word. Was. She was and never is to be again.  Continue reading “new”

excellent

Once a lady came up to me for prayer at church and told me she didn’t believe she had any talents and felt like her life was purposeless. At the time, the focus of my prayer was on her discovering her talents and gifts and stepping into her purpose regarding those. In contrast, I have recently felt that I am good at many things but not excellent at anything. I have been just as desperate as she was in desiring to be purposeful in my talents and gifts, equally in despair because I felt like I had so many tools yet have produced so little with them. Continue reading “excellent”