…an adult

Of course I say it in an absolutely ironic sense. I’m no adult. I am so far from being an adult that I have to squint now to see the adult me, the person I thought I’d be by now — as I fast approach the age of 25.

If you have been reading my blog you would know that the last post was flooded with my shameless plea for people to buy my book, quickly, because I am currently broke. Yes, I admitted that to the entire world (which by the numbers of people who read the post is about 200) and after sleeping on what I had done I realised that that incident alone makes it clear that I am not yet an adult.

Do adults exist?
Do adults exist?

So based on my previous post, here the reasons why I am NOT an adult (everyone knows by now that I LOVE lists):

(1) I am impulsive and irrational. So I literally noticed that I had over-budgeted this month about half an hour before frantically writing that post. The knot in my throat was still there from the thought that if I didn’t do something quick and drastic, I would not be able to afford to travel into work the next week or eat, or move because I hadn’t eaten. So I alluded to many friends and acquaintances that I cannot manage my finances, that I have a terrible-paying job, and that I sometimes cannot eat as a result. Now, that is not something an adult would ever do.

(2) I am unable to manage my finances. Hence why I have overspent, gone on trips and bought electronics and a holiday to Amsterdam. Hence why I am staring at starvation in the face. That is not something an adult would do.

(3) I use extreme words like ‘starvation’ when I haven’t a clue what it REALLY means to not just not have something to eat (I haven’t had dinner tonight as I don’t have a cent) but to be on your last ounce of fat as your body eats itself out of desperation. No, I have never experienced that. Yet I use such words to entice strong emotions in others, in this case as a marketing ploy. Like those ads on the tubes with kids with dirty faces on them that make you want to send £3 there and then. That is not something an adult would do.

WAAAAAAAH aka stop standing there and feed me.
WAAAAAAAH aka stop standing there and feed me.

(4) When I am under stress or in a tough situation, I try to entice strong emotions in others. Similar to when you are a kid and you cry and scream every time you are hungry, tired, thirsty, bored or just want attention. I cried out, with one squeaky sort of whine, making those around me anxious and worried or willing to do anything to make me shut up. That is not something an adult would do.

(5) I didn’t consider the reaction and effect it would have on other people aka I have no social sensitivity. I went about this escapade without thinking that I may lose some respect from some important people in my life or at least slacken ties with some key acquaintances. I didn’t step into the shoes (or screens) of my Facebook friends and think, what would this desperate plug look like when read by an unexpected newsfeed scroll-downer? Adults know that saving face and being respectable is essential to a functional and healthy social life. What I did is not something an adult would do.

(6) I still get paid horrendously!!!!! As a teenager this is hardly what I imagined life would be like. But being in publishing and having spent years discovering what I love to do (writing), has not got me into a good place financially. I found out that a 19 year old girl on my football team who has no tertiary education makes more money than me from working as a cashier in a bank. YUP. That is not something that an adult would allow.

(7) I think people should care when they have all the freedom to not give a single potty-dooo. Because the world still revolves around me as I see it through extra big glasses, telling all Pythagoras types that they are very very wrong. I have the type of boldness a child has when they go up to their parent’s friend and tug at their dress, with big puppy eyes, asking for a chocolate. I’m six feet now, I’m too tall to reach the bottom of most people’s dresses. That is not something an adult would do.

As usual, I can go on and on about why I don’t deserve this long-awaited title. And if you are like the average early 20-something year old, you don’t deserve it either. So like I did in my teens when my mother asked me why I ever got below 70% in my tests, I point to everyone else and say… the rest of the class did poorly too. Everyone else is doing poorly at being an adult too. RIGHT? RIGHT????!!!!! *twirp*

YUMMY :) Nothing is more comforting than the nozzle of a baby's bottle.
YUMMY :) Nothing is more comforting than the nozzle of a baby’s bottle.

So for the next nine days of being under 25 (the societal threshold of being an adolescent) I will bask in the freedom of doing things that are not things an adult would do. Being a non-adult. As of next Saturday though, I must step up my game. Luckily it coincides with the filling of my bank account with the next minuscule pay check. So I will be able to eat like an adult again.

PS… there are still many reasons to buy my book.

Now back to those Haribo Tangfasters I was feasting on.

Oh… and sometimes I drink from a baby’s bottle.

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5 thoughts on “…an adult

  1. Very well written but you should not be harassing other people with your problems. Self obsession is not a very adult trait. Let this experience be a life long lesson to put you in good shape for the rest of your life. Many people have to take payday loans just to lurch from one month to the other. Do not get into that trap

    1. Well that is yet another thing that should have been on my list. I don’t see this as being negative, I see it as accepting where I am at this moment in life, being aware of what I am doing wrong or right, and looking forward to getting a bit better and being a bit more like an adult.

      1. No problem with your expressing where you are at this moment in life. It is just that some things in life should be kept private.
        You can use this experience in one of your future novels at it would resonate with a lot of people.
        Poverty is something that even J.K.Rowling experienced. For 7 long years after conceiving the Harry Potter idea she had to endure, the loss of her mother,divorce and poverty.
        She is now worth £560 million

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