It’s so HARD to live by faith. I need to SEE things. I need to KNOW things. I need to PLAN things. And I try, oh boy do I try. I try really hard! But nothing ever goes exactly as I plan and I always end up falling into the arms of Jesus and pleading for his help and comfort.
As I write this I am two days over my due date. I am pregnant and awaiting my child’s birth but there is no sure sign that she will come today, tomorrow or the next day. It is intensely frustrating. I can’t bring on my labour. I can’t plan my days in advance because labour can come on at any moment. I can’t decide if I can go to a wedding next week because I don’t know if I will be recovered by then, or if the baby will be born by then. It feels like limbo. It is not a painful limbo but it is yet another time where I can choose between grumbling my way through this inconvenient waiting period or praise God for every new day and enjoy His life in me and the pleasures of rest, family time and a few more days without a newborn constantly attached to me. There are so many reasons to chill out and be grateful but it is just SO HARD to do that.
Anytime we struggle to enjoy God in our situation it is because we have forgotten who He is. He is a God of victory! There may be suffering on the journey and periods in the wilderness but ultimately He is ALWAYS victorious and by extension, because He lives in us when we accept Christ as Lord, we are also victorious.
There is a story where God promises David victory in battle but David goes and counts his men just to make sure he has enough strength to go into and win the battle. This really angers God because He already promised the victory and never mentioned any conditions like ‘you will win IF you have enough men’. No, He just plainly promised victory. But David, like all of us, chose to forecast his future success against the might of his own human resources. Even for David it was HARD to live by faith. He had to plan. He had to see. He had to count.
The irony is that in doubting God we can delay or interrupt the victory He wants to have through us. In addition, He is a God who disciplines those He loves, so not only might you delay your victory, you may also face the consequences of doubting Him.
I believe as long as I struggle to wake up and praise Him every day this week even if the baby hasn’t arrived yet, He will not truly be able to have victory through me in this situation. The victory I am believing in and hoping for is that I will have an enjoyable labour. I am praying earnestly for fewer interventions into my labour and the time, flexibility and comfort I need to allow my body to do it all by itself, without the trauma of multiple hands examining me, loads of medical staff staring up my legs, people yanking out my placenta, doctors rushing in and out and the sound of beeping and the words ‘emergency c-section’ being uttered every time. Mostly I am hoping that the perseverance and strength Jesus has nurtured in me over the last few years will allow me to withstand the pain for longer and not jump at the opportunity of getting help. I want to see God work powerfully through my situation, coming with miraculous force and blowing my mind, my family’s mind and the minds of everyone who I can share my story with. You might think this is really silly and of course I will praise Jesus if none of this happens, but I have seen how He has worked supernaturally in my life a lot recently and I can’t wait to experience it again with this labour and baby.
Perhaps He needed me to write this before going into labour so that I have written proof of what I prayed for so that everyone can see how spectacular our God is!
I mean He’s already been spectacular, hearing my cry for rest and revival by giving me two weeks where I can take long naps and sleep early and don’t have any planning or organising or work to do, and where my husband has a break from his MBA studies so he can be available and spend a lot of quality time with us. So I am here, extremely well rested, feeling really ready, enjoying amazing time with my husband and son while we wait.
It is HARD to live by faith but I must choose it every day. Today I recommit to living by faith, to being grateful today and to trusting that God’s timing for this birth is PERFECT. May He be victorious through me today and every day.
And may He be victories through YOU today and everyday as you choose also to trust Him with your situation.