addicted

‘I know that the feelings and thoughts of inadequacy that have plagued me my whole life, starting in high school, have NEVER trumped how grateful I am to be Bianca, the girl who was once asked why she always tries to be different, the girl whose answer to that was that she doesn’t try at all, she tries not to be sometimes but just gives up because she fails miserably. I know that the pride I feel in being ‘loved’ on social media is trumped by my desire to not rub my blessings in the face of the many out there who at that moment don’t have what I have and my desire to be a light that shines on the path, so that people can follow the way of the truth, rather than being a harsh, bright spotlight that shines on myself and leaves others in my shadow. My desire to show my life as amazing is always trumped by my desire to be vulnerable and share the whole truth, which I’ve seen countless times is not popular on social media — social media inhibits true vulnerability rather than encourages it…’ Continue reading addicted

Advertisements

mindblown

‘The truth is, I struggled a lot the week after writing that! I struggled with the idea that my body wasn’t working the way it was meant to and with the fact that I couldn’t plan ahead and was frustrated every day I woke up with the same massive pregnant belly! I grappled with God the way Jonah did in the Bible and I complained a bit too much, sulking from 7-10am every morning. But truly, truly, truly, if I KNEW what God had in store for me I would NOT have sulked for a minute. Finally at 41 weeks, I heard God speak to me at church. He said: ‘Bianca, I’m going to take you to the very end of yourself and stretch your faith as far as it can go but I am going to bless you incredibly at the end of it…’ Continue reading mindblown

overdue

‘As I write this I am two days over my due date. I am pregnant and awaiting my child’s birth but there is no sure sign that she will come today, tomorrow or the next day. It is intensely frustrating. I can’t bring on my labour. I can’t plan my days in advance because labour can come on at any moment. I can’t decide if I can go to a wedding next week because I don’t know if I will be recovered by then, or if the baby will be born by then. It feels like limbo. It is not a painful limbo but it is yet another time where I can choose between grumbling my way through this inconvenient waiting period or praise God for every new day and enjoy His life in me and the pleasures of rest, family time and a few more days without a newborn constantly attached to me. There are so many reasons to chill out and be grateful but it is just SO HARD to do that…’ Continue reading overdue

human

‘Today I was reminded of my humanity and of the importance of allowing myself to be weak. Weakness is a part of being human, a huge part. If it is ignored or hidden or brushed over or despised, we deny our humanity, making it harder to be human, harder to thrive, harder to cope. Acknowledging, embracing, being open about and developing mechanisms to deal with and address our weakness is a crucial part of being balanced, whole and well…’ Continue reading human